Sleepless Night

Lately I have been on this kick of watching 'Sleepless in Seattle' in the mornings whilst I get ready for work.  I usually start it mid-movie when Annie(Meg Ryan) is in her car driving to meet Walter's(Bill Pullman)family down in the Washington D.C area.  If you haven't seen the movie Annie and Walter are engaged to be married and they are driving to visit his family for Christmas.  When is a pre-destined moment Annie happens to be listening to the Dr. Marsha Fieldstone show on Network America and hears Sam Baldwin(Tom Hanks) and Jonah Baldwin(real name unknown) discussing how Sam needs a new wife and how he is 'Sleepless in Seattle'.
Not a very good synopsis of the movie but you get the point.  Anyway, I love this movie!  I could recite it for you right here, right now, if I didn't think it would be super boring to read lines from a movie I'm quite sure a majority of you have seen at least once. 
There is a line in the movie that I think is totally applicable to my life and it is given by Rosie O' Donnell's character, whose character name, even now, fails me.  Rosie tells Annie (Meg Ryan) that she (Annie) doesn't want to be in love she wants to be in love in a movie!!  That pretty much sums me up.  I don't want to be in love, I want to be in love in a movie.  Because somehow even amidst all of the trial and tribulation the characters seem to go through there is always resolution, and ultimately love.  Now, I just need to find a great leading man...a Jim Halpert if you will.  :) 
Tonight after work I went and had some dinner at The Grind here in town.  It is a burger bar that is located down by the airport and the Las Vegas strip.  My friend Tyler works there so I went and ate and caught up with things going on in his life and then headed to my movie.  I went to see M. Night Shyamalan's new thriller movie 'Devil'.  Now, I will admit that I normally don't see scary movies but after spending about an hour reading the reviews and learning it is more of a thriller than an actual scary movie I decided I needed to see it.  So, I did.  It was a really great movie with great acting mixed with some thrills that it kept you guessing.  Well, at least, it kept me guessing.  I enjoyed the underlying theme to the movie which(in my opinion) is good always prevails over evil.  Even if that is not what Mr. Shyamalan meant for it to be I walked away with that in my head. 
I'm blessed to know that their is a God and that things happen for a reason.  That we were sent here for a purpose and didn't just randomly show up one day.  I know that my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, lives and that he loves us and he wants us to succeed.  Good will ALWAYS prevail we just need to remember that at all times, and in all things, and in all places. 
I apologize for the sporadic nature of this note...have a great night!  Talk to ya tomorrow.


Love, Andi

To: Mr. Darcy

Last night I dreamt I was on a date with you and we were at Los Hermanos, in Provo, off of Center Street.  The dream probably took place there because that is where we had our first date...do you remember our first date?  Playing the Twilight game on your iPhone as we ate chips and salsa, waiting for our food? In the dream I had left the table and came back to you sitting with that girl you chose to 'date exclusively'.  The odd thing was the girl that I saw you sitting with was not 'that girl' it was some other girl from here in Henderson whom I don't care for either...it was odd.  I told her to 'get up and walk away' and she said 'NO', very emphatically, I might add.  I looked at you and you didn't say, or do, anything.  You just looked down at your plate of food.  Why didn't you say anything?  Why didn't you have the balls to tell her to get up and leave or why didn't you have the balls to tell me you were seeing her before we even went out again???  I'm sure the dream stems from my sadness and the anger I have towards you.  I don't understand why when we were talking via text all day everyday you couldn't have mentioned that there was someone else.  Why did you not just leave me be?  You knew that I was developing feelings for you...you had to have known!  That night we went and saw Robin Hood and you held my hand was one of the BEST nights I've ever had!  I straight up drove back to my brother's house on a cloud and squealed with delight as I talked to my best friend Angie in the early hours of the morning about how excited I was that you had held my hand, and how I was able to hold yours.  You shouldn't have held my hand because you knew that it would mean so much to me...but you only care(d) about yourself. 
As of last night, September 22, 2010, it's been four months since I last saw you.  4 months since the last time I heard you laugh, or hugged you in front of your house.  I think about you alot.  At times, like tonight, I'm angry and want to scream at you and tell you what a jerk you are and how I hope that girl crushed your heart and made you cry...just like you made me cry.  However, there are other times when I miss you and long for the text messages, phone calls, and trips to Provo to see you.  I dream about you alot if I think about you too much.  I've tried to numb the pain by talking to new guys but nobody is clicking with me the way you seemed to.  The sad truth is 'I can't make you love me if you don't.  You can't make your heart feel...something it won't.  Here in the dark, in these final hours,  I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power, but you won't.  No, you won't.'  I'm trying to let you go as I'm sure you you've let me go.  You probably let me go 4 months ago, and my name probably doesn't even cross your mind.  I'll admit that your face is fading from my memory...probably my mind and heart working together to let you go. I'm not sure I would even recognize you in passing on the street. It's been getting easier and easier to not dwell, but there are still times when I do.  I mean this whole blog/letter is just for you.  I miss you, I miss my friend, I miss my Mr. Darcy. 

Love, Andi