Last night I dreamt I was on a date with you and we were at Los Hermanos, in Provo, off of Center Street. The dream probably took place there because that is where we had our first date...do you remember our first date? Playing the Twilight game on your iPhone as we ate chips and salsa, waiting for our food? In the dream I had left the table and came back to you sitting with that girl you chose to 'date exclusively'. The odd thing was the girl that I saw you sitting with was not 'that girl' it was some other girl from here in Henderson whom I don't care for either...it was odd. I told her to 'get up and walk away' and she said 'NO', very emphatically, I might add. I looked at you and you didn't say, or do, anything. You just looked down at your plate of food. Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you have the balls to tell her to get up and leave or why didn't you have the balls to tell me you were seeing her before we even went out again??? I'm sure the dream stems from my sadness and the anger I have towards you. I don't understand why when we were talking via text all day everyday you couldn't have mentioned that there was someone else. Why did you not just leave me be? You knew that I was developing feelings for you...you had to have known! That night we went and saw Robin Hood and you held my hand was one of the BEST nights I've ever had! I straight up drove back to my brother's house on a cloud and squealed with delight as I talked to my best friend Angie in the early hours of the morning about how excited I was that you had held my hand, and how I was able to hold yours. You shouldn't have held my hand because you knew that it would mean so much to me...but you only care(d) about yourself.
As of last night, September 22, 2010, it's been four months since I last saw you. 4 months since the last time I heard you laugh, or hugged you in front of your house. I think about you alot. At times, like tonight, I'm angry and want to scream at you and tell you what a jerk you are and how I hope that girl crushed your heart and made you cry...just like you made me cry. However, there are other times when I miss you and long for the text messages, phone calls, and trips to Provo to see you. I dream about you alot if I think about you too much. I've tried to numb the pain by talking to new guys but nobody is clicking with me the way you seemed to. The sad truth is 'I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel...something it won't. Here in the dark, in these final hours, I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power, but you won't. No, you won't.' I'm trying to let you go as I'm sure you you've let me go. You probably let me go 4 months ago, and my name probably doesn't even cross your mind. I'll admit that your face is fading from my memory...probably my mind and heart working together to let you go. I'm not sure I would even recognize you in passing on the street. It's been getting easier and easier to not dwell, but there are still times when I do. I mean this whole blog/letter is just for you. I miss you, I miss my friend, I miss my Mr. Darcy.
Love, Andi
As of last night, September 22, 2010, it's been four months since I last saw you. 4 months since the last time I heard you laugh, or hugged you in front of your house. I think about you alot. At times, like tonight, I'm angry and want to scream at you and tell you what a jerk you are and how I hope that girl crushed your heart and made you cry...just like you made me cry. However, there are other times when I miss you and long for the text messages, phone calls, and trips to Provo to see you. I dream about you alot if I think about you too much. I've tried to numb the pain by talking to new guys but nobody is clicking with me the way you seemed to. The sad truth is 'I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel...something it won't. Here in the dark, in these final hours, I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power, but you won't. No, you won't.' I'm trying to let you go as I'm sure you you've let me go. You probably let me go 4 months ago, and my name probably doesn't even cross your mind. I'll admit that your face is fading from my memory...probably my mind and heart working together to let you go. I'm not sure I would even recognize you in passing on the street. It's been getting easier and easier to not dwell, but there are still times when I do. I mean this whole blog/letter is just for you. I miss you, I miss my friend, I miss my Mr. Darcy.
Love, Andi
I know this post isn't for me, but I love you. And if you ever need to talk, i'm here.
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