Under Serious Construction

.  It's Monday night around 11:30 pm PST.  My head hurts from staring at my computer screen trying to make my blog more aesthetically appealing.  Even though the lenses in my glasses have the anti-glare treatment I can still feel the waves of glare somehow pushing past their very own kryptonite, which is the anti-glare treatment, and invading my eyes.  The anti-glare is losing the glare fight tonight...much to my dismay.
I don't know how many of you have dogs out there but if you do you will appreciate this little diddy.  I have a dog and her name is Bella.  I know, I know all of you 'Twilight' Fans think we named her that in honor of one Miss Bella Swan, but I am sorry to say that is not why she is named that.  I digress...Bella,my dog, not Edward Cullen's one true love, likes to bark like an insane dog late at night when she is woken up.  Case in point: about 2 minutes and 30 seconds ago, much to my dismay, she started barking incessantly.  It's almost as if she's barking because we are being invaded.  It's almost like "Bark, Bark, Bark!!" is translated roughly into "The British are coming! The British are Coming! The British are Coming!"  Long story short: She barks too much and too late at night. 
Even though it's the middle of the night and I'm not at all hungry I find myself wondering what Andrea(a co-worker of mine...I'm not referring to myself in the 3rd person) and I will eat for lunch.  Hmmm....good question.
Tomorrow should be an interesting day.  I have a dentist appointment early in the morning(Ok, you caught me it's at 9am so not super duper early) but I'm getting a cleaning done.  Yippee! Not!  I hate the dentist.  Wait, let me rephrase that...I loathe the dentist.  I don't like being judged by masked men and women holding torture devices in their gloved hands.  And why do they always insist on asking questions while they have their fingers in your mouth?  Excuse me...I usually don't like speaking when my mouth is full.  Thank you. The real reason for the dental visit is because I'm worried I might have a problem on my lower right side.  Which, side note, do you ever notice when they are talking about your teeth they always speak in code..."sensitivity on the lower right number 24 and 25." Which I know translates into: "She hasn't been the greatest at flossing and now we get to inflict pain on her to teach her a lesson."  I hope it's not too horrible.  Cross your fingers for me. 
My Virginia countdown has started...I have 4 days until I board a United Airlines flight to Norfolk,VA. I will be traveling in the middle of the night and having a brief layover in Chicago, IL.  Interesting tid bit...guess who is from Chicago, IL???  That would be none other than good ol' Mr. Darcy!  So, I'll make sure to curse his name, in his home town, before I leave for Norfolk.  I don't sound bitter at all!! ha ha!
Well, this was not supposed to be as long as it has turned out to be.  I love writing to you and telling you what is going on.  I appreciate your patience and your love while my life is under serious construction. 
Have a great night and I look forward to writing to you soon.

Love, Andi

CPRM

It's been a few days since I last wrote and I'm sorry. I wish I had lots of really exciting new things to tell you about but I don't.

I've started to really get over the whole Mr. Darcy drama. I've been on a roller coaster of emotions trying to deal with my current situation. Everybody keeps telling me things like "You don't need HIM", "I hope he gets the pants sued off HIM", "You're better than HIM" etc...but the truth is I really like HIM. I have a confession. I wrote him a letter and mailed it to him on Wednesday, June 22 exactly 1 month after we went on our last date. I explained how much I like him and that I wish he wouldn't have text me so early in the morning telling me about "the exclusive girlfriend" and how sad I've been. I know, I know you're thinking that it was a stupid move. I had to do it though and he has to know how I feel. I never got the chance to tell him in person. I'll keep you updated.

Today as I was driving home I started listening to my ipod. The first song was "Can't be tamed" by Miley Cyrus and I was jammin' out and singing at the top of my lungs. The next song was "Best Days of Your life" by Kellie Pickler. Again, I sang at the top of my lungs the lyrics "I'll be there in the back of your mind from the day we met to you makin' me cry" and my thoughts were turned to Mr. Darcy. With the song coming to a dramatic close I was excited to see what would come on next. To my dismay, the next song was "Stand Beside Me" by JoDee Messina. "He left me cryin late one sunday night outside of Boulder" echoed into my car and I quickly hit the "next" button on my ipod. I didn't want to think more about my situation. In a horrible twist of fate the next song was "I can't make you love me" by Bonnie Raitt. I literally looked down and screamed at my phone "You've got to be kidding me!!" I gave in to the somber mood that my ipod was forcing upon me and I began to sing. I was singing to myself but it was being sung for him..."I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't. Here in the dark in these final hours. I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power but you won't, no you won't." After the chorus I found some Gaga and went to Walmart.
Thank you "Alejandro". :)

Please know that I'm fine and actually really happy. Things aren't ideal but they never really are. I'm blessed to live such a wonderful life and am thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me such wonderful opportunities to learn and grow.

Good Night, sleep tight, and I'll write to you soon.


Love, Andi

Maddie

The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.

Frustratingly, I keep looking back. I keep thinking that one month ago I was getting ready to go to Utah to see Mr. Darcy. In fact, the exact memory goes like this...
It's Thursday night on May 20, 2010 and The Times Talks live is hosting the creators of LOST to discuss the series and the impending finale. Being the LOST fanatic that I am I purchase my $13.50 ticket via fandango on my iphone and begin driving. I drove down boulder highway with excitement bubbling within my being like water boiling on a stove. Excitement for the LOST discussion and to see Mr. Darcy was more than I could handle. I couldn't have been happier...

Speaking of memories, let me share one more...
2 years ago on June 17,2008 Madisen Brooke Empey was born!! Maddie is the daughter of my Brother(spencer) and Sister-in-law(Erin) and my very first niece!! I will never forget the way I felt when I saw her gorgeous face(via text message) for the very first time. I knew immediately that I loved her and would do anything for her. She was a breach baby and had to be delivered via c-section. Heavenly Father sure blessed our family more than I could have ever imagined when he sent this little girl to us. She makes me want to be a better person and I love her more than she will ever know.

Tonight, I'm reminiscent (if you couldn't already tell) and a little sad still. Tomorrow after work we leave for Provo, Utah for Maddie's bday party. This will be the first trip back since the Mr. Darcy debacle. It will be strange to say the least. I'm afraid to be there and of how I'll feel. I'll keep you updated. Pray for me.

Love, Andi

0

2:46 am

Last night I started reading my book "True Believer" by Nicholas Sparks. I read until about 12:30am when I finally decided that I needed to go to sleep. Before I passed out completely I made sure that my alarm clock was set and that my phone was on so that I would hear my alarm. Somewhere in the middle of the night I woke up and looked at my phone and there it was...a text message from Mr. Darcy whose real name is Ben. The text message arrived in my inbox at 2:46am and it read:
"Andi-sorry I've been so unavailable lately. couple huge things have been going on. My ex is suing me for one and the other is I am seeing a girl here exclusively. The lawsuit has been the main focus lately and it has been lawyers and meetings for weeks. I'm sorry :( "
I responded with:
"Ok. Thanks for telling me. :( Good luck with the girl. Keep me in mind. I wish you wouldn't have held my hand. Would have made this not being able to see you thing easier. :(."
I immediately began to cry and cry. Remember that it is 3am at this point. I cried for about 30 minutes and then laid in my bed staring at the wall. Ya know when you cry and your head just hurts afterword? Well, that was me this morning. I was in such a daze because I was just so sad. I think I may have slept a total of less than 4 hours.
I need to send a question out to the great void: Dear void; why does this keep happening?
Once it was 6am and I decided to get in the shower and start my day I realized that I will be ok. Whilst I was rinsing my hair my alarm started going off with the song by Journey "don't stop believing. hold on to that feeling." It was appropriately timed for this morning and just what I needed to hear. Because even though my heart is hurting right now I can't stop believing. I have been through things like this before. Everyday it will get a little bit better and eventually I will have a hard time recalling the way he looks and how it felt to hold his hand.
Today has been incredibly hard and I have consumed copious amounts of caffeine trying to keep myself awake, alert, and happy. I thank you, my friends, for helping me with encouraging words and reminders that this too shall pass.
I would like to dedicate the next few words to Ben....
"I wish you bluebirds in the spring To give your heart a song to sing and then a kiss, but more than this I wish you love.
And in July a lemonade to cool you in some leafy glade I wish you health but more than wealth I wish you love.
My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be. So with my best, my very best I set you free.
I wish you shelter from the storm. A cozy fire to keep you warm. But most of all when snowflakes fall I wish you love. I wish you love. I wish you love, love, love, love, love. I wish you love."

My breaking heart and I agree that he and I could never be. So with my best, my very best I'll set him free.

Love, Andi

Sunday Night

It's sunday night around 9:45pm pst. The tv is on and 'Last Comic Standing' is blaring in my background. Inbetween my sporadic thoughts regarding Mr. Darcy(yes, I'm still thinking about him), and all of the random things that happen to cross my mind, I find myself laughing at some of the comics dumb jokes.

Yesterday, was one of those fabulous days that happens every once in awhile. The sun was shining and the weather was unusually cool for a mid-June Vegas day. My Mom and I drove to Boulder City,NV and went to lunch at the Southwest Diner. The Southwest Diner is located off of the main drag in town and as we pulled into our parking spot on the side of the street I couldn't help but to feel thankful. Walking into the diner the tiniest beads of rain began to fall onto the sidewalk. We were seated at a table in the middle of the room and our beverages were brought to us in mason jars. Nothing like diet coke and ice in a really big mason jar. :) Eating my food I drank in the scenery, the smells, the people, and the way I felt. After lunch we went and saw 'The Karate Kid' at the Fiesta Casino in Henderson. I must say that is one of my favorite places in this town. If you ever come to town I'll take you there. ;)

Friday night I got to go to The Drafthouse with Andrea and Tiffany. I had so much fun eating chicken fingers, fries, and watching people drink way too much. Namely the people that met us there. I love people that drink more than they probably should. During my time at The Drafthouse I was texting Tyler. Tyler, is a guy from this past year. I really liked him but ruined it because I was having family drama. that was a huge non-sequitor comment. After I dropped andrea and tiffany at their homes I made the drive back to Henderson. On my way home the skies opened up, and almost as if they were sad right along with me, rain drops began pelting my windshield.

Before I end this post I want to touch on my dreams. I sometimes really hate my dreams. A few nights ago I had a dream where Mr. Darcy was texting me again and I was soo excited. When I woke up I was very depressed and had to really work on not being sad. Last night I had a dream that my friend Mike was telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me. Which this really makes me laugh because this was a dream of mine back in 2003. It's haunting me again. I'm much older now but waking up to my reality is still not very cool...the reality that I'm alone.

I was at the Hallmark store yesterday and saw a sign with a quote from Cinderella. "If you keep on believing the dreams that you dare to dream really will come true." I'll keep on dreaming because he is "somewhere out there" and I will find him.

Love, Andi

Message in a bottle

I know that's it's been a few days since I left a message. I want you to know that "I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing."

I'm going to touch briefly on Mr. Darcy. He hasn't called or text and I don't think he's going to. I have begun to let him go. It's going to take me a little while but I'll be able to get over this. I've done this before and I can do it again. I genuinely hope that he is well and I wish him a long and happy life.

Today, was voting day and I voted!! I'm very proud of me, my family, and the rest of the citizens that participated in the vote!! Now, let's go KICK HARRY REID OUT OF OFFICE!!

I can't believe tomorrow is only Wednesday. I so wish it was time for the weekend.

At this very moment in time I'm watching "Message in a bottle" starring Kevin Costner(who I'm loving!) and Robin Wright Penn. It's based on the novel by Nicholas Sparks. On Saturday I went to Barnes and Noble and I purchased the books "Message in a bottle" and "True Believer" both by Nicholas Sparks. I practically finished "message in a bottle" in one day. Can't wait for "True Believer". I think I have to live vicariously through these different characters in the romantic books because I have absolutely ZERO romance going on in my own life.

I'm going to finish my movie, finish my book, and go to bed and "dream a little dream".

Love, Andi

Silence

I enjoy listening to my ipod or the radio while I'm driving around town and while I work but sometimes I enjoy the silence.

Tonight, I had dinner with my good friend Shauna. We ate at DW Bistro out in the southwest part of the Las Vegas valley and it was really good! We both munched on turkey burgers and sweet potato fries while we caught each other up on the things happening in our lives. Thank you Shauna for a fun evening!!

When I got to my car I put my flip flops on, fastened my safety belt, and started my ipod. Ten minutes into my drive from Southwest Las Vegas to Henderson I turned off all of the noise and drove in silence. When I'm surrounded by nothing but silence I find peace. I'm sure you understand. Silence is golden.

Mr. Darcy has still not contacted me to let me know what happened but I know he will.

I wish you a great evening and hope that fabulous things happen to all of us this weekend.

Love, Andi

If one day you wake up....

Today at 11:51 am pacific standard time I, Andi Empey, received one text message from one Mr. Darcy. He said that there has been "a ton going on" and that he is very "frazzled" at the moment and "I'm sorry I've been unavailable but I will explain soon about everything k?" Shock ran through my body as my brain processed the fact that I was looking at an actual text from Mr. Darcy. I'm not sure what has happened because he hasn't contacted me further today but I will share with you as soon as I know! You know me, and I know myself, so I won't lie....I'm excited he text me. I just hope that he's ok.

I'm very big on finding songs that fit with my current mood/situation and 'The Script' have a song called 'The Man who can't be moved'. Listen to it, you will love it I'm sure! In this situation with Mr. Darcy I feel like the girl who can't be moved. I know I probably sound like a dumb girl but I really like him and I think(or thought) that he really liked me. I've never been so excited to hold someones hand before as I was to hold his. I literally was on cloud nine for at least two days after. Back to the song. The chorus is as follows:
'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be. Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet. And you see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.'
I'm hoping that he wakes up every day missing me because I know I wake up missing him and my heart genuinely does wonder where on earth he could be. When he's ready he knows where to find me...because I'm the girl that can't be moved.

Love, Andi

Relapse

Have you ever witnessed an intervention? Watching as family and friends plead with someone to forsake their ways and get help? In those moments of intervention the person being intervened(may have just made that word up lol) always seems to except the help and jump on a plane to rehab hours after the traumatic intervention but days later they check themselves out of rehab, and check back into life that they left. This is called: Relapsing.

I, Andi Empey, am an addict. I'm addicted to Mr. Darcy and I experienced a moment, ok, two moments of relapsing today. Mr. Darcy and I have text all day every day for about two months and to now go to nothing is extremely difficult. I'm still mystified as to what happened...what did I do to make him not want to talk to me? I'm sad and I only text him today because I thought for one small moment in time that he would text me back and things would be normal. Much to my chagrin my text message box remained void of any proof of his existence. "I really need a wish right now".

I've started watching "Felicity" again. Generally I watch the series once a year and relish all of my favorite moments and become emotionally invested in the characters like it was my first time watching it. I can so relate to Felicity and the analytical way she approaches everything. This is my second time watching the series this year. I'm not sure what that may mean. :)
I just know it makes me forget, if for only a moment, about things that are happening in my own life. Or that are not happening in my case.



Love, Andi

The death of Mr. Darcy

Time of death: 11:00pm on Tuesday June 1, 2010. It is with a heavy heart that I must share the news that Mr. Darcy, of Lindon, Utah, has died. Cause of death...being a douche! I was supposed to hang out with him this weekend and it didn't happen. Friday night we text back and forth a few times about what we were going to do that weekend, and how we were excited to see each other, and blah blah blah, but he never text back after friday night. I have to assume that he is dead and in all honesty...if I don't hear from him by the end of this week he will be dead to me. I'm extremely sad about this turn of events. I really was starting to like him. Who knows...maybe I'll talk to him again. (crossing my fingers)

Well the moving class of 2010 weekend was a tortuous time. I not only was blown off by Mr. Darcy but I was sicker than a dog and hated almost every minute of my time in Utah. Saturday night I had a break down and just cried and cried. I wanted nothing more than to be back in Henderson at my house and in my bed. There is nothing worse than being physically ill, heart sick, and be without any real privacy. My mom and I drove home yesterday (Memorial day) and I have never been happier to see the lights of my wonderful home town of Las Vegas,NV.

I'm happy that my sister-in-law had a great time on the cruise with her family and I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with my brother and my niece. I just was hoping to get to spend time with Mr. Darcy. Ok, I'm sorry, I need to stop dwelling on him!! Dang Andi!! I have renewed my online dating memberships and will attack the dating scene with full force!! "oh oh here she comes...she's a man eater!"

Work update: Andrea and I did not bring our lunches and enjoyed the culinary treats of Jack in the box. :)

I need to be going to sleep. I think I will "count my blessings, name them one by one" before I drift off.

Love, Andi