Last night I started reading my book "True Believer" by Nicholas Sparks. I read until about 12:30am when I finally decided that I needed to go to sleep. Before I passed out completely I made sure that my alarm clock was set and that my phone was on so that I would hear my alarm. Somewhere in the middle of the night I woke up and looked at my phone and there it was...a text message from Mr. Darcy whose real name is Ben. The text message arrived in my inbox at 2:46am and it read:
"Andi-sorry I've been so unavailable lately. couple huge things have been going on. My ex is suing me for one and the other is I am seeing a girl here exclusively. The lawsuit has been the main focus lately and it has been lawyers and meetings for weeks. I'm sorry :( "
I responded with:
"Ok. Thanks for telling me. :( Good luck with the girl. Keep me in mind. I wish you wouldn't have held my hand. Would have made this not being able to see you thing easier. :(."
I immediately began to cry and cry. Remember that it is 3am at this point. I cried for about 30 minutes and then laid in my bed staring at the wall. Ya know when you cry and your head just hurts afterword? Well, that was me this morning. I was in such a daze because I was just so sad. I think I may have slept a total of less than 4 hours.
I need to send a question out to the great void: Dear void; why does this keep happening?
Once it was 6am and I decided to get in the shower and start my day I realized that I will be ok. Whilst I was rinsing my hair my alarm started going off with the song by Journey "don't stop believing. hold on to that feeling." It was appropriately timed for this morning and just what I needed to hear. Because even though my heart is hurting right now I can't stop believing. I have been through things like this before. Everyday it will get a little bit better and eventually I will have a hard time recalling the way he looks and how it felt to hold his hand.
Today has been incredibly hard and I have consumed copious amounts of caffeine trying to keep myself awake, alert, and happy. I thank you, my friends, for helping me with encouraging words and reminders that this too shall pass.
I would like to dedicate the next few words to Ben....
"I wish you bluebirds in the spring To give your heart a song to sing and then a kiss, but more than this I wish you love.
And in July a lemonade to cool you in some leafy glade I wish you health but more than wealth I wish you love.
My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be. So with my best, my very best I set you free.
I wish you shelter from the storm. A cozy fire to keep you warm. But most of all when snowflakes fall I wish you love. I wish you love. I wish you love, love, love, love, love. I wish you love."
My breaking heart and I agree that he and I could never be. So with my best, my very best I'll set him free.
Love, Andi
"Andi-sorry I've been so unavailable lately. couple huge things have been going on. My ex is suing me for one and the other is I am seeing a girl here exclusively. The lawsuit has been the main focus lately and it has been lawyers and meetings for weeks. I'm sorry :( "
I responded with:
"Ok. Thanks for telling me. :( Good luck with the girl. Keep me in mind. I wish you wouldn't have held my hand. Would have made this not being able to see you thing easier. :(."
I immediately began to cry and cry. Remember that it is 3am at this point. I cried for about 30 minutes and then laid in my bed staring at the wall. Ya know when you cry and your head just hurts afterword? Well, that was me this morning. I was in such a daze because I was just so sad. I think I may have slept a total of less than 4 hours.
I need to send a question out to the great void: Dear void; why does this keep happening?
Once it was 6am and I decided to get in the shower and start my day I realized that I will be ok. Whilst I was rinsing my hair my alarm started going off with the song by Journey "don't stop believing. hold on to that feeling." It was appropriately timed for this morning and just what I needed to hear. Because even though my heart is hurting right now I can't stop believing. I have been through things like this before. Everyday it will get a little bit better and eventually I will have a hard time recalling the way he looks and how it felt to hold his hand.
Today has been incredibly hard and I have consumed copious amounts of caffeine trying to keep myself awake, alert, and happy. I thank you, my friends, for helping me with encouraging words and reminders that this too shall pass.
I would like to dedicate the next few words to Ben....
"I wish you bluebirds in the spring To give your heart a song to sing and then a kiss, but more than this I wish you love.
And in July a lemonade to cool you in some leafy glade I wish you health but more than wealth I wish you love.
My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be. So with my best, my very best I set you free.
I wish you shelter from the storm. A cozy fire to keep you warm. But most of all when snowflakes fall I wish you love. I wish you love. I wish you love, love, love, love, love. I wish you love."
My breaking heart and I agree that he and I could never be. So with my best, my very best I'll set him free.
Love, Andi
Guys are bad news! I know everyone says "you're better off" And even though you are, it doesn't help much! I love you, and know you will be happy! And your dedication was much nicer than the one I would have left ;) Just sayin!!!
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